Thanks for the nice messages yesterday, bloggers. Its nice to hear your experiences with similar ups and downs and I am flattered to have you open up to me. Yesterday was the beginning of my "new mood" (there's a "Twilight" joke in there somewhere for someone a little more on the pulse than I am.... or maybe a little less). After writing a little bit, I went on a little walk uptown to Central Park to enjoy the gorgeous New York fall weather. It was delightful. There's a perfect chill in the air and when the sun is out, making the leaves of Central Park (most of which aren't changed yet, by the way) glow, it's very spectacular. I sat on a rock for a little while and stared at the skyline, then listened to a jazz trio jam out some tunes near Bethesda Fountain. Nice NYC. I came home and Cole and I began work on a new little web series we're coming out with. Nothing fancy or nuthin'... just us playing around with a new script while we're not doing anything else. It got me excited and grooving (as I suspected it might).
Late last night, I came home and spent an hour or two watching Julia Roberts clips on YouTube. I just found out last night (in the midst of that) that she's starring in the "Eat, Pray, Love" movie! I couldn't be more excited. When I picture a movie star playing Elizabeth Gilbert I've usually imagined Meg Ryan (for pure physical reasons) but I think Julia is a perfect choice and my hope is it will be a wonderful new step in her career. Like a lot of Americans, I like my Julia Roberts dealing with love and self discovery, so this new movie couldn't be a more exciting fit. I loved the book and I suspect I will love the movie. I'm buying my ticket NOW. FYI: Crying along to Julia accepting her Oscar right before you go to bed is something I highly recommend.
Yesterday I reached out to a friend of mine, Ashley.... who was once my teacher when I was at North Carolina School of the Arts for those five seconds. She was one of my favorite teachers I had there and more than anyone else, what she had to say has really stuck with me. Her class was focused on text but more so on looking into ourselves before we did any of that. We did a lot of really cool writing, performance, presenation exercises that at the time really scared me. She scared me, the whole thing scared me.
Everyone else in my drama school class was excited and eager to go for it, whatever it was, whenever it was, just do it. I was less eager, for a many reasons I guess. For one, it was the first time I'd been in a classroom enviorment since eighth grade (having been home-schooled for my four years of high school) and second of all, I was attempting to pretend I had matured and figured my shit out more than anyone else in the class.... and for some reason.... people went along with it. I am still not sure if they believed me or just saw that they needed to pretend, for my sake. The way you would pretend your mom looks good in a halter top, if she's already got in on at the Florida resturant you're having dinner in.
So when we started doing exercises that forced me to question myself, my motives, my whatevers it really really freaked me out. At times I wrote off the class as weird and silly, at times I just zoned out, but in the end.... of all the things that stick with me from my short stay in drama school its the things I learned in her class. I only wish I'd been a tiny bit as grown up as I was pretending to be to enjoy it.
Since then, Ashley and I reconnected and have seen each other a couple times, email quite often, etc. She's just as inspiring as ever and I've come to realize, in the past six months or so.... how important it is to surround yourself with such positive people that do make you stop and listen and think. When I woke up yesterday and told myself that today was the day I HAD to be better, I HAD to get up, I HAD to get something.... anything.... done, and stop stewing in my negativity. So I did, and there in my email box was a message from Ashley, we were discussing some other things but in my message I'd briefly mentioned my recent downward mood.... feeling unmotivated.... uncreative.... etc.
This is what she said and I hope she won't mind that I'm sharing her wonderful wisdom here:
"Remember that life is about inhaling and exhaling.
Creating is part of the exhale. Receiving is about
the inhale. This may be a time in which you are
being given gifts, but you don't see them because
you are focused on "output".
Start your day by asking the universe: what do i need
to experience today"
I think that's pretty wonderful and powerful. I continued to think about that throughout the day. At first I tried to jump to an answer, just so I could have a goal to work towards by the end of the day.... which was obviously rushed and counter productive.... then I got frustrated cause I didn't know what I needed to experience and how could I know because its 10AM and I'm still in a rotten mood and my deodarant isn't working..... then I came to the conclusion that its about figuring it out as you go about your day. Experiencing. Not deciding what to experience.
I found myself having a good day yesterday, in moments I found myself frustrated again, jealous of my friends, angry, sad..... but only in moments.... and the other one's were good, but no matter what, I let myself experience it and thats all one can ask for.
So I think you too ought to ask yourself:
UNIVERSE, WHAT DO I NEED TO EXPERIENCE TODAY?